Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

16, August 2019

UK recruiting top overseas scientists for secret project

Top overseas scientists expected to advance scientific knowledge by decades

The UK is “supercharging” science projects by fast-tracking overseas scientists to bring them to the UK. The initiative began by prioritising a group of scientists from Ingolstadt in Germany who have already arrived and set up a laboratory. As a basis for their experiments, the group is using a collection of recently-unearthed journals, long thought […]

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Social media backlash forces InterSpace U-turn

InterSpace Ad:

A furious social media campaign forced space agencies to reverse their decision to cancel the InterSpace pass. People with more money than they can sensibly spend without resorting to philanthropy can use the InterSpace pass to travel around the solar system at reduced rates. Pass holders can jump from ship to ship at no extra […]

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Government fines itself £12b over ‘sexual predilections’ data breach

Government departments have been revealing people's sexual predilections to anyone who knows the magic words -

  The UK government has agreed to pay itself a £12b fine after several departments were found to be in breach of various data protection acts. These include the EU’s GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation) even though it’s poorly-thought out and no one understands it. A total of 137 government departments gave away personal information […]

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Tourists’ bums banned from Rome

A funny thing happened to tourists on their way to the Roman Forum...

A new law passed in Rome has banned anyone from sitting on the capital’s famous Spanish Steps. The Scalinata di Trinità dei Monti is one of Rome‘s most famous landmarks where tourists gather to eat pizza, pretend to be Italian, and talk loudly but not about the weather, not even the British. However, new laws […]

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