Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!
Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair
During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion
Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown
Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested
Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail
James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat
“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”
Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”
Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”
Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier
To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!
Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride
The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines
Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!
Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome
Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”