You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Pet MP Robots: now with interchangeable heads

Watching two ROMPr MP Robots knocking the sh*t out of each other is almost as entertaining as a Commons debate

Billed as ‘perfect for every home’ the Robot MP or ROMPr has just gone on sale in the UK. Developed by robotics company Practical Ingenious Stereoactive Systems, the robots are described as “versatile semi-intelligent and adaptable”. A company spokesperson said: “We know that doesn’t describe your average MP but ROMPrs are better than average. “ROMPrs […]

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Gina Miller to challenge Boaty McBoatface naming

People’s champion, barristers’ pocket-filler and remainer, Gina Miller, has launched a high court challenge to rename the UK’s newly-launched polar research ship ‘Boaty McBoatface’. The ship has been named the ‘Sir David Attenborough’ but an online poll to find a name for the ship showed the public’s favourite was ‘Boaty McBoatface’. However, ministers intervened because […]

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