Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

24, June 2019

Dyslexic religious group petitions Santa to stop doing bad things

A religious group wrote a petition to the devil demanding he stop bad things happening on Earth. However, they addressed it to: Santa C/o Hell The 21,276-strong group known as Let’s Get Back To That Old Time Religion, signed the petition demanding the devil stop interfering with “god’s good work”. The petition gives examples of […]

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Sacked BBC presenter Danny Baker to return with “Baker’s the Gaffer”

This photo takes pride of place on Danny Baker's mantelpiece

BBC 5 Live’s ex-presenter Danny Baker is planning a return to broadcasting with a new show called “Baker’s the Gaffer”. Baker was sacked from the nanny broadcaster after posting a Tweet about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s baby. That’s Harry and Meghan as we love to call them. The BBC, which is happy to […]

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19, June 2019

US deploys chefs to protect beef burger supplies as White House pulls out of burger deal

The US is deploying its top chefs to safeguard White House burger supplies

America has deployed 1,000 chefs to bakeries and butchers throughout Washington DC to ensure continuing supplies of burgers. The White House pulled out of an agreement with local burger suppliers guaranteeing to buy so-many burgers per week. When US President Donald Trump was off on jollies doing state visits and the like, the White House […]

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