You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

17, September 2019

Russian ‘extreme proposal’ gag goes wrong as fiancée blows up car

Extreme proposal: Alexei didn't get the girl but he did get a massive bill for a burned-out car

‘Extreme proposals’ are very popular in Russia. They typically involve the fiancée being harassed by fake police on a fake charge and then her fiancé jumps in and pops the question. However, one extreme proposal went wrong when Alexei pulled the stunt on his fiancée Helga. Unknown to Alexei who thought Helga worked in administration, […]

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16, September 2019

Employers must pay workers for ‘sex on the job’

It wasn't just the lingerie that Dick put on his expenses claim form...

A landmark ruling means that employees who travel for work are entitled to be paid for ‘home comforts’ while away and should not suffer ‘deprivation’ through ‘inadequate facilities’. The case was brought by Dick Richards, 55, a travelling salesman who was away from home for six months of the year. He submitted an expenses claim […]

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14, September 2019

Sainsbury’s puts groceries back in grocery-free store

Sainsbury's was hoping that not stocking groceries would make shopping a whole lot easier

Three months ago, supermarket chain Sainsbury’s opened a grocery-free store. The experiment aimed to combine self-service with the inability to pinch anything. A spokesperson said: “With all the concern over climate change and everyone being told to eat less, we thought a grocery-free store would be very popular. “Customers can still come in to enjoy […]

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