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Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Google chief: I know what you did last summer. All of you

Your camera was where...?

Google devices chief, who is not a robot, confessed he likes surprising strangers with personal information about themselves. Rick Osterloh, who has more gadgets than MenKind, said he loves the surprised look on people’s faces when he reveals intimate personal details that no one but a technology oligarch with access to millions of dollars’ worth […]

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15, October 2019

Queen’s speech: Boris Johnson to be King

Fuzzy lies the head that wears the crown

The Queen‘s speech historically outlines plans and legislation the government intends to perform. This speech shocked everyone as the Queen outlined new succession plans to make Boris Johnson King when the Queen retires which is expected to be sometime next month or before a general election, whichever comes first. Sir Galahad Smythe, an expert in […]

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