“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Available NOW -Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit

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With the Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit, discover how much plastic it takes to kill your fish

With the Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit, discover how much plastic it takes to kill your fish

Yes, kids, now you can have your very own Plastic Waste Experiment Kit. Do with your plastic exactly what the grownups do.

Promises years of fun. Scientifically educational.

The kit comes complete with:

  • 24 miniature plastic bottles
  • Packaging from 12 packets of spaghetti and other pasta (not supplied)
  • Packaging from 6 individually-wrapped vegetables (not supplied)
  • Packing from 5-a-day fruits (not supplied)
  • 2 plastic cereal containers (cereal not supplied)
  • 1 plastic flower wrapper (flowers not supplied)
  • 8oz miscellaneous scrunched-up plastic (colours may vary)
  • Mini spade
  • Mini furnace (adult supervision recommended)
  • Fish tank (fish not supplied)

INSTRUCTIONS

Use the spade to bury some plastic in your garden (ask permission first) and see how long it takes to decompose. This is a fascinating experiment you can pass on to your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Use the mini furnace to incinerate some of the plastic (adult supervision recommended). We also highly suggest you perform this experiment outside in a well-ventilated area and wear a gas mask (not supplied).

Buy some tropical fish for your fish tank (you may require adult help with this). Put plastic into the tank and see how long it takes to kill the fish.

The Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit is available now at all good toy stores and supermarkets. Comes in sturdy, high-grade plastic moulded box, cellophane gift-wrapped.

Ref: BBC News Bring your own containers, says Waitrose


If it takes 10 pieces of plastic to kill a fish, how long before we’re all forced to become vegetarian?
If beer was cheaper in refillable bottles, would you drink more?
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