The number of clowns in the world is decreasing at an exponential rate.
As their natural habitat, the circus, comes increasingly under threat from legislation, and their livelihood is threatened by video games, Ronald MacDonald and apathy, clowns are becoming an endangered species.
But there’s another danger, too.
Clown impresario and spokesman for the Family Of Clowns Association, Professor Bongo Baggy Britches, said: “It’s no laughing matter. The Chinese believe the tears of a clown have aphrodisiac properties. Over the past year we’ve had several reports of clowns being kidnapped and forced to watch movies like Titanic, Love Story and Marley & Me over and over while their captors collect their tears which sell for a high price on the black market.
“Many clowns are having to employ a bodyguard – which is difficult on clown wages – or adopt a disguise pretending to be a different member of their troupe.”
Customers have been known to pay upwards of $300 for a ‘clown tear’ potion reputed to give them the ability to laugh a woman into bed.
Bongo Baggy Britches continued: “The aphrodisiac angle is just plain bonkers. Clowns are as sexy as pandas – and not as cute. Who’d want to wake up next to a red nose? But can you tell them?
“If something’s not done there’ll be no clowns left, just like the Rhinos.”
Baggy Britches concluded: “it’s no joke!”