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To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

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Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

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During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

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The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

20, May 2019

We’re backing Boris – Media outlets unanimously support Boris Johnson for PM

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"...and when you leave No. 10, don't nick any of the cutlery and make sure the loos are clean."

“…and when you leave No. 10, don’t nick any of the cutlery and make sure the loos are clean,”

The UK’s Prime Minister and very own Groundhog, Theresa May, is stepping down. Several top Tory MPs, some of whom did not go to Oxbridge, said they will stand including ex-Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson.

Every media outlet confirmed they were backing Boris for PM.

Several Editors plus top reporters speaking in confidence in a dingy pub in Whitechapel admitted they’re backing Boris because he makes good news, good gaffes and looks like a mop.

“He’s the least qualified person for the job,” said a popular newscaster. “We did consider Michael Gove but he’s just a little too slimy and we don’t think he’d get in even with our backing.

“Have you any idea how difficult it is to think of something new to say about Brexit? Reporting on Boris is like reporting on Prince Philip but on steroids.

“A photo of Boris’ hair alone will fill the front page.

“There’ll be references to ‘piccaninnies’ and other racist insults. He has no diplomacy, zero negotiation skills and can’t make a decent soufflé.

“We look forward to at least one major political incident a week.

“Imagine when he gets together with Trump. It’ll be Dumb and Dumber third time round.

“The real clincher is that his name’s perfect for alliteration. Listen to these:

Bungling Boris
Bouffanted Boris
Boorish Boris
Brash Boris
Blundering Boris
Boris the Buffoon
Half-baked Boris

“And they’re just a few I got out of the thesaurus.

“The stories will write themselves.

“He’ll make a crap PM but great headlines and that’s what’s important. The UK is basically fucked now thanks to incompetent Tories and inept cross-party MPs.”

He looked wistfully into his G&T. “All things considered, we couldn’t back a better bloke. He’s absolutely perfect.

Ref: BBC News Boris Johnson confirms bid for Tory leadership

Who would make a worse PM than Boris?
Which country shall we all emigrate to?
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