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20, May 2019

We’re backing Boris – Media outlets unanimously support Boris Johnson for PM

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"...and when you leave No. 10, don't nick any of the cutlery and make sure the loos are clean."

“…and when you leave No. 10, don’t nick any of the cutlery and make sure the loos are clean,”

The UK’s Prime Minister and very own Groundhog, Theresa May, is stepping down. Several top Tory MPs, some of whom did not go to Oxbridge, said they will stand including ex-Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson.

Every media outlet confirmed they were backing Boris for PM.

Several Editors plus top reporters speaking in confidence in a dingy pub in Whitechapel admitted they’re backing Boris because he makes good news, good gaffes and looks like a mop.

“He’s the least qualified person for the job,” said a popular newscaster. “We did consider Michael Gove but he’s just a little too slimy and we don’t think he’d get in even with our backing.

“Have you any idea how difficult it is to think of something new to say about Brexit? Reporting on Boris is like reporting on Prince Philip but on steroids.

“A photo of Boris’ hair alone will fill the front page.

“There’ll be references to ‘piccaninnies’ and other racist insults. He has no diplomacy, zero negotiation skills and can’t make a decent soufflé.

“We look forward to at least one major political incident a week.

“Imagine when he gets together with Trump. It’ll be Dumb and Dumber third time round.

“The real clincher is that his name’s perfect for alliteration. Listen to these:

Bungling Boris
Bouffanted Boris
Boorish Boris
Brash Boris
Blundering Boris
Boris the Buffoon
Half-baked Boris

“And they’re just a few I got out of the thesaurus.

“The stories will write themselves.

“He’ll make a crap PM but great headlines and that’s what’s important. The UK is basically fucked now thanks to incompetent Tories and inept cross-party MPs.”

He looked wistfully into his G&T. “All things considered, we couldn’t back a better bloke. He’s absolutely perfect.

Ref: BBC News Boris Johnson confirms bid for Tory leadership

Who would make a worse PM than Boris?
Which country shall we all emigrate to?
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