Dr Gwendoline Bendover, psychological profiler has made a study of criminals with weird hairstyles.
An analysis of the hairstyle of North Korea’s Kim Jong-un has revealed him as a dictator.
“Hairstyle is one thing you can’t hide,” said Dr Bendover. “At least not unless you shave it off. You can see that Kim has tried to hide his bad hair by shaving the side but the built-up, flat top is a dead give-away.
“He’s short, so is trying to make himself look taller and more powerful by building up his hair but that just looks weird so we can definitely say he is a dictator.
“We haven’t done any research to compare weird hairstyles with penis size. As you can imagine, it’s not easy to get Kim to drop his kecks – not unless you’re a fit 18-year old North Korean girl – so it would be unscientific to speculate that he also has a small one. But he probably has.
“If he wasn’t a dictator he would most likely be stealing hub caps and getting bullied by the other boys in his gang for being short, having bad hair and a small penis. And having a girl’s name wouldn’t help. So selecting dictator as a career choice was a good move for him and will save him getting beaten up a lot. Plus, lots of women won’t care how big his penis is as long as he can buy them lots of presents which he can do as a dictator.
“As a dictator he will be used to getting all his own way. He probably chooses his own hairdresser so we can’t blame anyone else for his weird hair style.
If he starts wearing glasses, particularly sunglasses, especially indoors, that will doubly confirm our analysis. Or it might just be to stop him squinting and seeing his weird hair whenever he looks in a mirror.”