Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

28, October 2019

US Electric to cut power during Trump broadcasts

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Californians rejoice as another power cut means they don't have to watch another Donald Trump speech

Californians rejoice as another power cut means they don’t have to watch another Donald Trump speech

Power companies in America are to cut power to customers when President Donald Trump goes on air.

The idea was proposed by Pacific Gas & Electric when an accident cut power to two million homes in California just before a Donald Trump speech.

A survey later found the inability to watch Trump on TV raised residents’ happiness quotient several points, reduced their blood pressure and made them feel 43% more optimistic about the future.

A citizen’s committee was formed and offered to pay the electric company to cut power whenever Trump was due to speak. As the companies would get paid for doing bugger all, it’s widely expected that the suggestion will be approved by shareholders. It is, after all, the American way.

Expectations are that the State would benefit by a more motivated workforce, lower drug use and a 21% increase in veganism.

Other reported side effects include reduced obesity, fewer speeding tickets, an overall 7% increase in the population’s IQ, and it was rumoured someone bought a Mexican a drink.

The local State Legislature is considering a bill to put the power cuts into law.

At a press conference, a Whitehouse spokesperson was about to give an official response to the proposed power cuts but the power failed before they could speak.

Ref: BBC News Kincade fire: Mass blackout begins amid California wildfires

What’s the best thing you stole during the last power cut?
Power cuts or political speeches?
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