Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

16, August 2019

UK recruiting top overseas scientists for secret project

You are awesome for sharing

Top overseas scientists expected to advance scientific knowledge by decades

Top overseas scientists expected to advance scientific knowledge by decades

The UK is “supercharging” science projects by fast-tracking overseas scientists to bring them to the UK.

The initiative began by prioritising a group of scientists from Ingolstadt in Germany who have already arrived and set up a laboratory.

As a basis for their experiments, the group is using a collection of recently-unearthed journals, long thought lost, detailing the work of a highly-regarded scientist.

The scientific group asked to work in Edinburgh which has one of the UK’s highest mortality rates. A group spokesman, who had a thick European accent, said this was purely coincidental.

To get the group to come to the UK, PM Boris Johnson promised them a very large blackboard, all the raw materials they require and the use of Edinburgh castle for their experiments.

The castle stands high on a hill and has a tall flag post. The spokesman, who seemed slightly hunched, said that was purely coincidental.

The scientists provided a list of equipment required. An inside source revealed the list included lots of complicated apparatus, medical equipment and one of those machines which makes sparks fly up and down between two wires.

Boris Johnson also announced a new Donor Card incentive which pays those signing up for it. The scheme is starting in Edinburgh before being rolled out nationwide.

The spokesperson, said this was purely coincidental and invited us to look around the laboratory.

We declined, made our excuses and left.

Ref: BBC News PM vows to ‘supercharge’ UK science with fast-track visas


What’s your favourite body part?
Where do you get your corpses?
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: