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13, July 2019

UK prisons to adopt Swedish-style luxury cells

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It might look comfortable but there are still bars at the windows and all you get to eat is Gordon Ramsay's arty-farty food

It might look comfortable but there are still bars at the windows and all you get to eat is Gordon Ramsay’s arty-farty food

The UK prison service is off to IKEA.

A UK fact-finding tour of Swedish prisons found that prisoners much preferred ‘home comforts’ and meat balls to sparse bile-green cells and slop.

The new cells include a TV, Xbox, a laptop (with limited internet access), a fridge, a walk-in shower with towels changed every two days and a three-piece suite.

The Swedish government said: “As a humane society we have a duty to look after all our citizens, even those who have transgressed the law.

“It also cuts down on staffing as the prisons require far less policing. It’s win-win.

One lag who has spent most of the last 40 years of his life locked up said: “It’s better than the doss house I live in outside. Whenever they let me out I just do a little aggravated and – bam – I’m back inside.

“I got a 55″ HD TV. I never had one of them before. Although I did nick one for me Gran.”

Another prisoner said: “Yeah, we behave most of the time but we have to act up every now and again otherwise we might be eligible for parole and who wants that?”

The UK is planning to adopt the Swedish prison model as there is a desperate shortage of prison officers and IKEA flat packs are far cheaper.

A spokesman for the prison service who is handling the remodelling said: “Menus will be selected by Gordon Ramsay and cooked by Jamie Oliver, bless him, now that he doesn’t have a restaurant empire to look after.

“A thorough analysis of the costs involved shows that we will save the taxpayer £1.2b a year.

“I just hope it doesn’t lead to overcrowding.”

Ref: BBC News ASAP Rocky: Sweden prison boss defends jail conditions

Iron bars do not a prison make. Right or wrong?
What’s the best prison you’ve stayed in?
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