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14, February 2019

It Begum’s belief! UK plans to open doors to terrorists and release murderers. “It’s only fair,” says Home office

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Let 'em all in - we're British!

Let ’em all in – we’re British!

Shamima Begum, 19, who left the UK in 2015 to fight for IS, the so-called Islamic State, wants to return to the UK to have her baby. She says she has no regrets joining IS and found the sight of severed heads in bins quite jolly but now she wants a comfy life and to be looked after by the UK government and the NHS.

A spokesperson for UK security said: “She’s been fighting for IS, a terrorist organisation responsible for the cowardly and brutal murder of over 2000 people and the injury of thousands more all across the globe including many Britons, and now she wants us to look after her.

“Being British, I suppose we will. There’s probably some stupid EU law that says we have to do it. The sooner we get out of this damn bureaucratic EU farce the better. Oops, don’t quote me on that, I’m supposed to be neutral.”

In another statement issued by the Home Office, the government said: “In light of the Begum affair, it was also considering pardoning and release all prisoners convicted of murder, rape, gun and knife crimes, aggravated assault, and crimes against the state. After all, we’re British and it’s only fair.”

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