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6, November 2019

UK not manufacturing enough babies

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With high running costs and a short shelf life, babies are too expensive for the UK to manufacture in sufficient quantities to keep the economy going

With high running costs and a short shelf life, babies are too expensive for the UK to manufacture in sufficient quantities to keep the economy going

The lack of sufficient quantities of babies has been blamed for a crisis in the high street as shop after shop keeps closing down.

A spokesperson for the Department for Trade and Industry said: “It all starts with babies, you see. We need to up manufacture but the running costs are putting a lot of people off.

“If there’s not enough, the baby shops go and this has a knock-on effect as the babies that we don’t have don’t get older so the teen fashion shops, fast food outlets and boy bands suffer.

“And then there aren’t the older teens and 20-somethings to keep the drinks industry going. Even the chancers pedalling weed – which we know nothing about officially, of course – are signing on.

“The only solution is to make more babies and we’ve enlisted the help of the Japanese manufacturing industry because they’re very good at making small things like cars and sushi.

“We used to be a great manufacturing nation but we seem to farm out all that to other countries. Still, once we get the Japanese on the job, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

When it was pointed out that babies are not ‘manufactured’ the spokesperson said: “Oh, where do they come from, then?”

Ref: BBC News All Mothercare UK stores to close


What’s your favourite way of making babies – plasticine or wood?
Which is the best sushi shop?
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