Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

6, July 2019

Trump’s Independence Day speech praises Continental Army for destroying alien mother ship

You are awesome for sharing

In his Independence Day speech, Donald Trump praised George Washington for nuking the alien mother ship

In his Independence Day speech, Donald Trump praised George Washington for nuking the alien mother ship

In his Independence Day speech, US President Donald Trump paid tribute to the actions of George Washington’s Continental Army for infiltrating and blowing up the alien mother ship.

He commended the courage of US President George Washington who was prepared to sacrifice his own life in order to nuke the ship.

“They don’t make Presidents like that anymore,” he quipped.

The President also praised the air force of the time, marvelling at how “those little planes” could have flown so high, outside the Earth’s atmosphere to penetrate the ships.

“They must have been really good at holding their breath. Comes from wading across the Delaware,” he quipped.

History records that Washington lost six of his nine battles but Trump declared that as “fake news”.

“They were telling lies about US Presidents waaaaay back,” he quipped.

When critics suggested he was confusing American Independence Day with the movie of the same name Trump blamed the teleprompter.

He said: “Although we tanned their hides, the British sabotaged the machine to make me look dumb. But they can’t do that because I’m smart. I’m the smartest man I know and I know lots of smart men. Anyone who knows smart people will tell you I’m one of the smartest.

“Of course I know the movie. I’ve seen it several times. I think they modelled President Whitmore on me, although that was before I became President.

And I’m better looking than Bill Pullman,” he quipped.

Ref: BBC News Trump blames ‘airports’ gaffe on teleprompter


Three quick questions:
When do the 4th July celebrations take place?
What year did the War of 1812 begin?
Who is buried in George Washington’s tomb?
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: