Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

3, May 2019

Trump to meet hundreds of actors pretending to be politicians at state banquet

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Helen Mirren or the Queen? Trump will never know...

Helen Mirren or the Queen? Trump will never know…

Many leading figures and politicians have declined invitations to attend the state banquet being held for US president, Donald Trump, during his state visit in June.

To avoid an embarrassingly small table, the Palace is engaging actors to play the part of politicians.

Helen Mirren is already onboard to stand in for The Queen, as she did such a good job in the 2006 movie of the same name.

The real Queen, Elizabeth II, expressed much relief.

Theatrical agents around the country have been charged with finding suitable actors. Top priority is for the few high-profile politicians who have declined. These include Jeremy Corbyn, Speaker John Bercow, Liberal Democrat leader Sir Vince Cable and the SNP’s Ian Blackford.

It is not expected that Donald Trump will know any by sight but the Palace wishes to maintain a semblance of accuracy for the photos.

If you are an actor and a politician look-a-like and have been wondering why you don’t get much work, that may be because you look like a politician and who wants one of them opening a summer fete  or playing Macbeth?

But now could be your chance to shine, meet with the fascist leader of the free world and score some good grub and expensive booze in the process.

The Palace, however, has warned that anyone who overindulges and gets inebriated will forgoe their fee and be sent to the Tower.

The Palace has produced a five-page list of Dos and Don’ts to help would be candidates prepare for the event.

Various No Nos include asking anyone for their autograph or contact details, referring to the Queen by any other form than Her Majesty, and kicking Donald Trump under the table.

Dame Helen Mirren said she is, once again, honoured to be playing Her Majesty. Although she cannot expect another Academy Award, Dame Helen said she is looking forward to baffling Trump with big words, irony, and the intricacies of royal protocol.

So not a demanding role, this time.


Do you know any actor/politician look-alikes?
If you were a politician, what politically-correct thing would you like  to say to Trump?
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