Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

6, June 2019

Tory leader wannabes must duel it out

You are awesome for sharing

Boris Johnson and Michael Gove duel it out for the Tory leadership. Boris asks Gove: "Don't you usually approach your opponents from behind?"

Boris Johnson and Michael Gove duel it out for the Tory leadership. Boris asks Gove: “Don’t you usually approach your opponents from behind?”

The contest for the Tory Leadership had Tory MPs oozing out of the woodwork. So much so, that even Rent-O-Kill couldn’t stem the flow.

However, this has not pleased the cabal known as the 1922 Committee. This is the Tory equivalent of the Illuminati, which makes rules about leadership challenges, as well as running the world economy and taxing the poor.

The Committee decided there are too many combatants contestants and the party needs to elect a new leader PDQ. They forced the old one, Theresa May, to resign as she was as much use as a pin in a condom factory.

However, with all the Tory MPs jumping up and shouting: “Me! Me! Me!” the cabal has decided the party needs a better and faster method of leader selection.

They are, therefore, proposing to use the old Etonian duelling rules with which most Tories are familiar.

Swords and pistols failed to find exception in the Firearms and Dangerous Weapons Act so duelling it technically against the law, at least as it applies to common folk.

The exchanges will take place in a secret location at dawn. The winner of each round will go on to duel one of the other winners until only one is left standing.

The new selection method will weed out the namby-pamby contestants who will not want to muss their suits.

It will also eliminate those who did not take duelling lessons at their public school. That is unless they are very stupid in which case the challenge will effectively remove them from both the contest and the Tory party. That must be a bit of a win-win.

The Committee expects the matter to be settle within an hour which suits the timescale perfectly.

Theresa May has declined to act as a second.

Ref: BBC News Tory leadership contest: Rule change agreed to limit candidates


Who is your preferred rapier manufacturer?
What’s a better way to select a Tory leader – fire walking or liar’s dice?
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: