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28, February 2019

“Tory government made me a racist,” claims Labour supporter

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Artist's impression of Elsie's Tory inquisitor

Artist’s impression of Elsie’s Tory inquisitor

Staunch Labour supporter, Elsie Walker, was on a tour of the Houses of Parliament with her local Labour group when she claims she was shanghaied, drugged and taken to an underground chamber somewhere beneath the building.

“I don’t remember much,” said Elsie, 57. “Just voices saying I was a perfect subject being elderly, middle class and with a crush on Jeremy Corbyn. Which isn’t true, of course. The crush bit. Don’t tell my husband.

“They strapped me to a chair and put this contraption will electrodes on my head. I was terrified – I’d just had my hair done that morning for the tour and it was playing havoc with my perm. And then there was weird music, flashing lights and a voice that whispered.

“Then all of a sudden I was at the back of the tour group as if nothing had happened but I suddenly felt resentful toward our tour guide who was from somewhere in Africa. There he was showing us Brits around OUR Houses of Parliament. He did say he was from Bermondsey but that’s not the point, is it?

“I was really quite tolerant of my ethnic neighbours, but since my visit to Parliament I’m starting to think more like a Tory.

“I was just coming to terms with having to become an anti-semite to stay with Labour and then this happens! At this rate I’ll end up voting Lib Dem. Are they still going?”

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