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8, November 2019

Tory and Labour alliance promises Brexit and massive tax rises

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Just some of the names the new Tory/Labour alliance have so far rejected

Just some of the names the new Tory/Labour alliance have so far rejected

With the winner of the upcoming general election too close to call, the Tories and the Labour party have agreed an alliance to ensure they both win.

With other parties forming alliances to avoid vote-splitting in order to beat the Big Two, the Conservatives and Labour decided to beat them at their own game and form their own alliance.

They are currently discussing names for the alliance. Proposals which, we understand, have so far been rejected include Condour, Lory, Labative and Toryadour.

But whatever the name, the alliance virtually guarantees their combined victory at the polls on December 12th.

With most of Labour more pro-Brexit than anti-Brexit most of the time, or at least some of the time or at least when it seems most politically expedient, the Tories will be able to push their Brexit deal before the next deadline runs out.

In return, the Tories have promised to support Labour in their spending plans although this is no arduous task as both Tory and Labour spending promises are identical.

However, this will require copious amounts of borrowing and an inevitable hike in tax,

A spokesperson for the Treasury said: “They’re mad!

“Unless one of them has found Theresa May‘s magic money tree – at least what’s left after bribing the DUP – their plans can only result in bankruptcy for the country or higher taxes.

“It would be like being back in the EU but without any of the benefits.

“Individually, the parties were simply trying to ‘top trump’ each other by promising larger and larger amounts of spending.

“Maybe with their alliance they’ll stop playing silly buggers.

“But at least we can be sure of one thing – they’ll certainly welsh on their promises so we really don’t have any cause to worry.”

Ref: BBC News General election 2019: Labour and Tories pledge more borrowing

What would be a worse alliance than the Tories and Labour?
Who’s the worst promise-welsher you know? Sorry, politicians are not eligible
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