fbpx

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

5, May 2019

Tories triumphant after election results

You are awesome for sharing

After the local election results, a large crowd gathered outside No. 10 to hear Theresa May's victory speech

After the local election results, a large crowd gathered outside No. 10 to hear Theresa May’s victory speech

Theresa May was in rapturous mood following local election results, and gave a speech outside Number 10.

“The result show once and for all that the electorate are behind us in our policies and our handling of Brexit.

“Labour has been decimated. The Liberal Democrats, the Greens and the other parties are in disarray.

“We could not have wished for more support or a more resounding victory and we thank all our millions of supporters for turning out and voting.

“With our new mandate we will push forward with our policies of pumping more money into the NHS, into teaching and child care, the police and housing.

“We will use money saved by privatising some medical services, increasing class sizes, cutting police numbers and letting free-form capitalism take care of the housing market. We will also overhaul the benefits system so only the most deserving cases get help.

“We will return to the hard work we have all been doing over Brexit. We will pull together to get the best deal possible, which is my deal, through Parliament.

“After this result we are supremely confident of winning another general election and we can all look forward to another wonderful four years of Conservative government.”

And then the opium wore off and she woke up.


Did the Russians interfere with the election?
Should we all be allowed to smoke opium?
Leave a Comment below.

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: