Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Tag Archives for " World "

In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs

Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah (left) of Brunei admired Putin's strong, manly physique and immediately regretted passing the Sharia law banning gay relationships

In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairsFollowing Brunei’s new laws to flog and stone gay people, staff at the nine luxury hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs at all times. The hotel chain includes […]

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Tech shock of the century. Facebook grants anonymity to all

Artist's impression of the man who attacked Herbet Rawlings in his home as Facebook's

Bowing to unprecedented pressure from users, the media and the government, Facebook has agreed to grant total anonymity and privacy to all users. Just as the change came into force, there were dozens of reports of users being visited by Facebook personnel. One user, Herbert Rawlings, 47, from Blackburn, Lancashire reported that a Facebook representative […]

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Entertainment industry sales fall dramatically as customers fear buying material by future sex offenders. “That’s nothing compared to what the church is still doing,” says entertainment rep

Do bad people make bad art? Should you watch or listen to it? You decide!

The entertainment industry has seen a dramatic drop in sales as customers are increasingly afraid to buy products connected to stars, producers and musicians who may later be outed as sex offenders. One fan, who declined to be named, said: “You just never know who’s going to be next. I’ve had to discretely dispose of […]

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21, March 2019

Customs Officers strike for better deal after Brexit. “We’re taking a lead from the stroppy French.”

French, eh? Smuggling handbags again, are we? Take a seat over there for the next three days, madam.

UK Customs Officers are preparing to strike as soon as the UK leaves the EU, deal or no deal. A spokesperson said: “Whatever happens, we’re going to have to work longer and harder and we need more people and better equipment to do it. “We’re taking a leaf out of the stroppy Frenchy’s book – […]

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19, March 2019

Yellow Vests riot again in France. “We demand better fashion than yellow jackets,” say protesters

Road workers? Gilets Jaunes? Or just c;learing up after a Yellow Jacket Riot? You decide!

The Yellow Jackets or “Gilets Jaunes” have again been rioting in Paris and throughout France. We spoke to one of the protest leaders. “We don’t want much,” he said (in French). “These damn yellow jackets make us look like refuse collectors or road workers. Not that there’s anything wrong with refuse collectors or road workers, […]

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A result for Mr Average. Good-looking men make the worst lovers. “And they’re bad at everything else” say scientists

Good-looking man. Must be good in bed. Don't you beleive it, ladies!

There has long been discussion over which nation has the best lovers. According to a recent poll, men from Spain, Brazil and Italy were the best lovers whereas men from Germany, England and Sweden were the worst. However, rather than lump all men from the same country into a single group, scientists at the Academy […]

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Nag! Nag! Nag! “It’s just like being at home,” says Japanese businessman

You don't need a geisha with a Nag-o-Matic

Enterprising Japanese tech company, Nagumatikku, was demonstrating its latest innovation at the AI Expo in Japan. The pocket-size device whose name, Jitaku de chīsana on’na, roughly translates as “Little woman at home” has been developed for travelling businessmen who feel lonely staying in hotels and who do not want the services of a geisha. The […]

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6, March 2019

Facebook crackdown on false Reactions. New rules to force users to prove their Reactions genuine

You Like it! Really? Prove it!

In a crackdown against fake news, fake buns and false everything else, Facebook is introducing compulsory ‘Reaction proof’. Before a user can select Like, Heart or one of the other Reaction emoticons, they will have to prove their intent is genuine. A Facebook spokesperson explained: “Facebook has been accused of promoting false messages and fake […]

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