During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Tag Archives for " World "

Shock! Horror! Newton’s Law applies to Facebook.You could be killing a kitten

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button! You could be giving a banker andother bonus!

Newton’s Law that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction has been discovered to apply to Facebook Reactions such as Like, Heart and the smiley emoticons. Every time you respond to a post with an Angry emoticon, somewhere else someone posts a photo of a puppy in a bow tie sitting in […]

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In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs

Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah (left) of Brunei admired Putin's strong, manly physique and immediately regretted passing the Sharia law banning gay relationships

In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairsFollowing Brunei’s new laws to flog and stone gay people, staff at the nine luxury hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs at all times. The hotel chain includes […]

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Tech shock of the century. Facebook grants anonymity to all

Artist's impression of the man who attacked Herbet Rawlings in his home as Facebook's

Bowing to unprecedented pressure from users, the media and the government, Facebook has agreed to grant total anonymity and privacy to all users. Just as the change came into force, there were dozens of reports of users being visited by Facebook personnel. One user, Herbert Rawlings, 47, from Blackburn, Lancashire reported that a Facebook representative […]

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Entertainment industry sales fall dramatically as customers fear buying material by future sex offenders. “That’s nothing compared to what the church is still doing,” says entertainment rep

Do bad people make bad art? Should you watch or listen to it? You decide!

The entertainment industry has seen a dramatic drop in sales as customers are increasingly afraid to buy products connected to stars, producers and musicians who may later be outed as sex offenders. One fan, who declined to be named, said: “You just never know who’s going to be next. I’ve had to discretely dispose of […]

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21, March 2019

Customs Officers strike for better deal after Brexit. “We’re taking a lead from the stroppy French.”

French, eh? Smuggling handbags again, are we? Take a seat over there for the next three days, madam.

UK Customs Officers are preparing to strike as soon as the UK leaves the EU, deal or no deal. A spokesperson said: “Whatever happens, we’re going to have to work longer and harder and we need more people and better equipment to do it. “We’re taking a leaf out of the stroppy Frenchy’s book – […]

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19, March 2019

Yellow Vests riot again in France. “We demand better fashion than yellow jackets,” say protesters

Road workers? Gilets Jaunes? Or just c;learing up after a Yellow Jacket Riot? You decide!

The Yellow Jackets or “Gilets Jaunes” have again been rioting in Paris and throughout France. We spoke to one of the protest leaders. “We don’t want much,” he said (in French). “These damn yellow jackets make us look like refuse collectors or road workers. Not that there’s anything wrong with refuse collectors or road workers, […]

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A result for Mr Average. Good-looking men make the worst lovers. “And they’re bad at everything else” say scientists

Good-looking man. Must be good in bed. Don't you beleive it, ladies!

There has long been discussion over which nation has the best lovers. According to a recent poll, men from Spain, Brazil and Italy were the best lovers whereas men from Germany, England and Sweden were the worst. However, rather than lump all men from the same country into a single group, scientists at the Academy […]

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Nag! Nag! Nag! “It’s just like being at home,” says Japanese businessman

You don't need a geisha with a Nag-o-Matic

Enterprising Japanese tech company, Nagumatikku, was demonstrating its latest innovation at the AI Expo in Japan. The pocket-size device whose name, Jitaku de chīsana on’na, roughly translates as “Little woman at home” has been developed for travelling businessmen who feel lonely staying in hotels and who do not want the services of a geisha. The […]

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