Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Tag Archives for " World "

Foodie’s dream – Food that makes you want to eat more

If your food's made in a place like this it'll be tasty, cheap, last for ages and make you able to eat more

In a world where excess is praised and the obese regarded as super sexy – eat your heart out Sarah Jessica Parker, although she was never really sexy anyway – researchers and nutritionists have finally produced food that makes you want to eat more. The secret is called ultra-processing. It involves running the food through […]

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WHO: the best cure for dementia is to die young

Take your blue pill, give her flowers, bring lubricant, and if she doesn't slam the door in your face you may not have denentia

After 72 years of extensive research, the World Health Organisation has come up with a list of recommendations to stop you getting dementia. Dementia is a debilitating and eventually fatal illness with no cure. It typically affects the elderly, so as the years go by there will be fewer and fewer Brexit supporters and more […]

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“Pedo” is a “Pedalo” says Musk in Thai cave rescue case

Elon Musk's super-sub was just a few feet too big to navigate the narrow Thai Tham Luang caves

Elon Musk is the multi-billionaire owner of too many big businesses and expensive things to name, mainly because we can’t be arsed to do the research. Anyway, he’s been told by a Los Angeles judge that he must defend his Tweets, since deleted, calling a cave rescuer a “pedo”. Vern Unsworth helped rescue 12 schoolboys […]

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Dogs unhappy about humans dying out and leaving the planet in such a f*cking mess

Zak watches as we cut down another forest forcing a hundred thousand animal and plant species into extinction, and wonders where he's going to bury his bones now

As dog IQ increases and human IQ decreases, dogs are still set to take over the world by 2050. However, by that time humans will have so fucked-up the planet that there won’t be much left for the dogs to take over. Zak is a 4-year old Border Collie, currently reckoned to be the smartest […]

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Climate change, bio extinction. – it’s too late. We’re f*cked. Don’t have any more babies warns UN

Look upon your works - and party like there's no tomorrow. Because there's not

The inevitable catastrophe of climate change has been compounded by a UN report revealing that humans are killing over one million animal and plant species. That’s over a quarter of life on the planet, excluding humans, of course, and the inhabitants of America. The world population has doubled since 1970, due to low-quality condoms, child […]

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9, May 2019

Formula for start-up success revealed as gobshite front man

Another successful Bullshitting graduate off to wrest billions from stupid unsuspecting banks and venture capitalists

Researchers have finally revealed what it takes for a start-up company to secure funding. The Financial University of Credit and Knowledge has been teaching the secret to undergraduates for over 20 years. Their graduates include past leaders of dozens of high-valued start-ups which have crashed spectacularly. To arrive at its formula, the University analysed over […]

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Fitness trackers for the unfit – they take off the calories so you don’t have to

Huawei has developed a new fitness tracker that over-reports activity levels and calories used, and stores the data on a srver in China. The new Huawei WatchNot 2 is aimed at obese and lazy people or, as the advertising puts it, “those with an excessive lifestyle”. It’s for anyone who desperately wants to lose weight […]

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EU makes tech giants responsible for controlling online copyright material. “That’s fine,” said Google. “We control everything else.”

The EU has voted in a controversial copyright law which holds tech companies responsible for material their users upload. So if Little Tamsin should suffer a brain haemorrhage and decide she wants to upload a Justin Bieber track to YouTube to impress or annoy her friends, then YouTube would carry the can for copyright breech. […]

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