Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Tag Archives for " USA "

Mexican migration tilting Earth off its axis says Trump

Feature by guest reporter David Layzelle US President Donald Trump claims the mass-migration of Mexican workers is upsetting the Earth’s rotation. Speaking at a Republican convention at Tyler, Texas, Trump expounded the theory that mass-migration was making the world ‘top heavy and liable to spin off its axis. To whoops of “yee ha” and much […]

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6, July 2019

Trump’s Independence Day speech praises Continental Army for destroying alien mother ship

In his Independence Day speech, Donald Trump praised George Washington for nuking the alien mother ship

In his Independence Day speech, US President Donald Trump paid tribute to the actions of George Washington’s Continental Army for infiltrating and blowing up the alien mother ship. He commended the courage of US President George Washington who was prepared to sacrifice his own life in order to nuke the ship. “They don’t make Presidents […]

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24, June 2019

Dyslexic religious group petitions Santa to stop doing bad things

A religious group wrote a petition to the devil demanding he stop bad things happening on Earth. However, they addressed it to: Santa C/o Hell The 21,276-strong group known as Let’s Get Back To That Old Time Religion, signed the petition demanding the devil stop interfering with “god’s good work”. The petition gives examples of […]

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19, June 2019

US deploys chefs to protect beef burger supplies as White House pulls out of burger deal

The US is deploying its top chefs to safeguard White House burger supplies

America has deployed 1,000 chefs to bakeries and butchers throughout Washington DC to ensure continuing supplies of burgers. The White House pulled out of an agreement with local burger suppliers guaranteeing to buy so-many burgers per week. When US President Donald Trump was off on jollies doing state visits and the like, the White House […]

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