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How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Tag Archives for " UK "

23, May 2019

Labour calls for nationalisation of failing Jamie Oliver restaurants

Would you rather your town looked like this or like Teesside? Can you tell the difference? Awe, gimme an over-priced pizza

The current epidemic of failing companies has lead to a crisis in many boardrooms. Labour has advocated nationalising all companies which are going under in order to protect businesses, jobs and communities. Jamie Oliver’s restaurants are one of the latest businesses to suffer., With their over-priced food and smarmy serving staff the restaurant chain was […]

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22, May 2019

LGBT school protests: religious groups tell each other where to go

Locked in a prison of their own making, even love won't set them free (yes, we do pathos, too)

In Birmingham (UK, not Alabama) , radical Muslims protested against a school teachingpupils about LGBT equality. The Safer Streets Association protested against Muslims sending their children to schools abroad to become terrorists. The Muslims accused them of Islamophobia. The Association accused the Muslims of homophobia, Anglophobia and asked who were the ones wearing dresses. Several […]

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21, May 2019

Milkshakes banned at rallies. Activists throw burgers, condoms and fur coats

Several prominent figures have had milkshakes and ice cream thrown at them during political rallies. Police asked McDonald’s and other shops near to future rallies not to sell milkshakes or ice cream while the rally is taking place. A police spokesperson said: “This is, admittedly, for the less-intelligent activist who would not consider buying a […]

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20, May 2019

We’re backing Boris – Media outlets unanimously support Boris Johnson for PM

The UK’s Prime Minister and very own Groundhog, Theresa May, is stepping down. Several top Tory MPs, some of whom did not go to Oxbridge, said they will stand including ex-Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson. Every media outlet confirmed they were backing Boris for PM. Several Editors plus top reporters speaking in confidence in a dingy […]

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Police facial recognition system full of duplicate images it can’t recognise

Good job she's not black, male, unarmed and living in America or she'd be dead by now

A roll-out of facial recognition systems by police around the UK has lead to a fracas in the force. The system is run by German company Cognitec which is filching millions of pounds from the British taxpayer. Plus ça change. The company gets paid in British pounds for the number images on the system and […]

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Foodie’s dream – Food that makes you want to eat more

If your food's made in a place like this it'll be tasty, cheap, last for ages and make you able to eat more

In a world where excess is praised and the obese regarded as super sexy – eat your heart out Sarah Jessica Parker, although she was never really sexy anyway – researchers and nutritionists have finally produced food that makes you want to eat more. The secret is called ultra-processing. It involves running the food through […]

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BBC cancels News programs after man interviewed in road accident dies

BBC cancels its News programs after death of interviewee. Where the heck will we go now for our unbiased news?

The BBC has cancelled all its news programs after revising its broadcasting guidelines. We spoke to a BBC spokeswoman because she was far cheaper than a spokesman. She told us that the decision revolved around a story in which a man in a road traffic accident was interviewed and confessed to drinking and driving. He […]

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