Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Tag Archives for " UK "

31, March 2019

Dry business books prompt government to introduce new book rating system

New rating system toimprove the quality of books - but not business books!

The need for a book rating system was prompted by complaints that business books were dry, boring and uninteresting. A spokesperson for the Department for Education said: “We want previously dry and boring business books to be as interesting as a Dan Brown thriller. Well, a thriller at any rate.” A team of literary experts […]

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29, March 2019

“Unsuitable advertising” banned. “We’re really good at banning things,” said minister

In response to intense lobbying by anti-gaming campaigners, the major sports betting companies have agreed to ban betting adverts during live sports broadcasting events. Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, Jeremy Wright MP, said: “It is vital children and vulnerable people are protected from the threat of gambling-related harm.” The ban doesn’t […]

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27, March 2019

Jackboots in England as Juncker plans to invade the UK after Brexit to put it once again under the EU boot

First chocolates, then jackboots! Juncker's plans for the UK!

EU president and head honcho, Jean-Claude Juncker plans to use EU armies to invade the UK, a leaked recording reveals. In an undercover operation intended to get the low-down on Juncker’s “cash for Belgium chocolates” scam, the reporters accidentally recorded a telephone conversation between Junker and an unidentified person but who is believed to be […]

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Celebrities queue up to apologise for anything they may have said that may have caused offence to anyone anywhere at any time ever

John Wayne came back from the dead to apologise for being a Republican!

Celebrities, TV personalities, soap performers, other non-entities and many politicians – apart from Donald Trump, Theresa May, and Jeremy Corbyn – are falling over themselves to make public apologies. Following outcries and shaming by the “We will be outraged for you” vociferous minority group, celebrities and others in the public eye are in fear for […]

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Tech shock of the century. Facebook grants anonymity to all

Artist's impression of the man who attacked Herbet Rawlings in his home as Facebook's

Bowing to unprecedented pressure from users, the media and the government, Facebook has agreed to grant total anonymity and privacy to all users. Just as the change came into force, there were dozens of reports of users being visited by Facebook personnel. One user, Herbert Rawlings, 47, from Blackburn, Lancashire reported that a Facebook representative […]

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Entertainment industry sales fall dramatically as customers fear buying material by future sex offenders. “That’s nothing compared to what the church is still doing,” says entertainment rep

Do bad people make bad art? Should you watch or listen to it? You decide!

The entertainment industry has seen a dramatic drop in sales as customers are increasingly afraid to buy products connected to stars, producers and musicians who may later be outed as sex offenders. One fan, who declined to be named, said: “You just never know who’s going to be next. I’ve had to discretely dispose of […]

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