During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Tag Archives for " Science & Tech "

Climate change, bio extinction. – it’s too late. We’re f*cked. Don’t have any more babies warns UN

Look upon your works - and party like there's no tomorrow. Because there's not

The inevitable catastrophe of climate change has been compounded by a UN report revealing that humans are killing over one million animal and plant species. That’s over a quarter of life on the planet, excluding humans, of course, and the inhabitants of America. The world population has doubled since 1970, due to low-quality condoms, child […]

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Government solves Welsh mountain queue problems by making them hills

Mount Snowdon is now Hill Snowdon. The Welsh will no longer be plagued by hoards of tourists who will now be shuffled off to Scotland

The influx of tourist to Wales’ mountains has revealed severe problems for visitors. There is a shortage of parking, toilets, refreshment facilities, and too many locals are speaking in a Welsh accent. The popularity of beauty spots such as Snowdon and Pen y Fan is because they are beauty spots. And mountains. At 1085m Snowdon […]

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Fitness trackers for the unfit – they take off the calories so you don’t have to

Huawei has developed a new fitness tracker that over-reports activity levels and calories used, and stores the data on a srver in China. The new Huawei WatchNot 2 is aimed at obese and lazy people or, as the advertising puts it, “those with an excessive lifestyle”. It’s for anyone who desperately wants to lose weight […]

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13, April 2019

“I’ve never wanted to shag so many women,” says 87-year old after brain zap experiment

A new medical procedure called Transcranial Direct Current Stimulation (TDCS) boosts brain functions and mental ability. It applies a small burst of electricity to specific brain centres. It was developed to help patients with sub-optimal brain functions due to illness. However, it has also been found to “rejuvenate” ailing brain functions. In a controlled experiment […]

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Advertising watchdog rules misleading adverts must stop

Sinking under a barge of consumer complaints plus pressure from subsidised TV channels such as the BBC, the Advertising Watchdog has ruled that adverts that do not “tell the truth” will be banned from next month. The new ruling covers hyperbole, exaggerated claims, misleading information and lies. The food industry is expected to be hit […]

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