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In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Tag Archives for " Science & Tech "

1, November 2019

Political Correctness group lobby to un-Spot Dick

Dotty Johnson proudly displays her Spotted Dicks

Feature by guest reporter Paula Houseman Political correctionistas have come down on the beloved, traditional English steamed pudding, Spotted Dick. The PCers have taken umbrage to the name, which is “not gender-neutral, sounds like an STD, and isn’t good for tourism”. Crusading for a name change, they took to the streets of London en masse […]

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25, October 2019

People who ‘go to the toilet’ in shower responsible for 93% of global warming

Don't 'go to the toilet' in the bath or shower - the Royals never do - because you're killing the planet

A team of scientists studying global warming has discovered an incredible link between climate change and indoor plumbing. Since indoor plumbing became mainstream in the mid-1900s the Earth‘s temperature began to rise. Scientists investigating the phenomenon realised that, with the introduction of plumbing, individuals were no longer using the WC for their toilet needs but, […]

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Google chief: I know what you did last summer. All of you

Your camera was where...?

Google devices chief, who is not a robot, confessed he likes surprising strangers with personal information about themselves. Rick Osterloh, who has more gadgets than MenKind, said he loves the surprised look on people’s faces when he reveals intimate personal details that no one but a technology oligarch with access to millions of dollars’ worth […]

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Pet MP Robots: now with interchangeable heads

Watching two ROMPr MP Robots knocking the sh*t out of each other is almost as entertaining as a Commons debate

Billed as ‘perfect for every home’ the Robot MP or ROMPr has just gone on sale in the UK. Developed by robotics company Practical Ingenious Stereoactive Systems, the robots are described as “versatile semi-intelligent and adaptable”. A company spokesperson said: “We know that doesn’t describe your average MP but ROMPrs are better than average. “ROMPrs […]

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Gina Miller to challenge Boaty McBoatface naming

People’s champion, barristers’ pocket-filler and remainer, Gina Miller, has launched a high court challenge to rename the UK’s newly-launched polar research ship ‘Boaty McBoatface’. The ship has been named the ‘Sir David Attenborough’ but an online poll to find a name for the ship showed the public’s favourite was ‘Boaty McBoatface’. However, ministers intervened because […]

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