The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Tag Archives for " Science & Tech "

Dog-AI interface brings forward world domination to 2030

Bella (2nd from right) said she is looking forward to some intelligent conversation with her doggy friends while watching the human race descend into inane stupidity

Pioneering technology which links the brain to computers and AI (Artificial Intelligence) systems has been developed and tested on dogs. As the technology advances dogs could be set to take over the world by 2030 rather than 2050 as originally assumed. The first pioneer is Bella, a Border Collie and the sister of Zak who […]

Tell me more...!

Football transfers: Top clubs bidding for these star players

You get a lot more footballers for your money here

One manager, who did not want to be named, said: “These top performers are cheaper than current signings and far more entertaining.” Ref: BBC News Are robots getting better at football? ‘Hand of god’ or a massive cheat? Discuss How much would you pay for a season ticket? (Note: this information will go to the […]

Tell me more...!

Village holds record for holding the most records

If a village held the record for holding the most records, the least it could do would be to install a funicular

“It’s a record,” says the Guinness Book of Records. The village of Ware-on-the-Whey recently made record book history by becoming the village whose inhabitants hold the most records: an astounding 231. Here are just a few of the amazing records this village holds. Dan Dugdale holds the record for the World’s smallest garden consisting of […]

Tell me more...!

Zuckerberg’s lunch money seized after Facebook data scandal

Mark Zuckerberg pleads with the FTC not to seize his lunch money as it's all that's standing between him and a slap up lunch at the Ritz

The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) has ordered Mark Zuckerberg‘s lunch allowance to be seized following allegations that Facebook has been gathering data on its users. Data the company gathered includes users’ friends and family, where they live, where they went to school, the name of their pet and their favourite swear word. In many cases […]

Tell me more...!

New radio telescope reveals EDL base on Moon

The EDL's hidden Moon base from where they will launch an attack to take over the world after the revolution. If anyone down here still has a working rocket to bring them back

A new radio telescope has revealed a small colony living in an underground shelter on the Moon. Dr Nigel Needlemeyer, chief astronomer on the project, said: “We were astounded. We thought the Moon was incapable of supporting human life. “The telescope has revealed radio mast-like structures along with doors leading to an underground shelter. We’ve […]

Tell me more...!

Mexican migration tilting Earth off its axis says Trump

Feature by guest reporter David Layzelle US President Donald Trump claims the mass-migration of Mexican workers is upsetting the Earth’s rotation. Speaking at a Republican convention at Tyler, Texas, Trump expounded the theory that mass-migration was making the world ‘top heavy and liable to spin off its axis. To whoops of “yee ha” and much […]

Tell me more...!

NHS to fine patients late for appointments to boost flagging coffers

NHS queues stretch around the playing field. No one wants to be late for their appointment. The doctors will be arriving in a few hours

NHS management to levy a £1-per-minute fine on patients. Ostensibly this is to encourage patients to arrive on time but privately, some management staff admitted it was to boost the NHS’s budget. Mrs Dot Brimstone, 56, attends her local hospital on a weekly basis and said: “Blimey! If I’m late it’s because the bus was […]

Tell me more...!
1 2 3 5