Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Tag Archives for " Politics "

25, April 2019

New Bank of England governor wanted – we offer four ideal candidates

The new governor of the Bank of England? Makes sound financial decisions, politically neutral and works for peanuts!

To be governor of the Bank of England you don’t have to be good at financial forecasting, just at making promises and not keeping them. A pathological liar or a political background would be ideal. Current incumbent, Canadian Mark Carney, continuously hinted at interest rate rises but back-stepped after failing to anticipate financial swings or […]

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23, April 2019

Extinction Rebellion to be housed in French refugee camp. “French are so good with protesters,” says Home Office

No more comfy hotels. This lot are off to experience the worst of French hospitality. After being arrested...

With Extinction Rebellion arrests running into thousands, the UK is experiencing a “custodial accommodation” shortage. EU Human Rights law rules out options where they might otherwise be detained such as hostels for the homeless, temporary social housing and half-way houses. Therefore, detainees are now being held in hotels and B&Bs. A Home Office spokesperson said: […]

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20, April 2019

Electoral Commission proposes “Joke Off” as a way to decide elections

To rejuvenate public interest in politics and politicians, the Commission for Electoral Reform has proposed politicians battle it out with jokes and one-liners. A spokesperson for the Commission said: “The electoral system is in dire need of an overhaul. “The population is fed up with politicians’ inability to make decisions and do the job they […]

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