Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Tag Archives for " Politics "

24, May 2019

US file 117 new charges against Assange, cats and free speech

US anti-justice department has levelled several additional allegations against WikiLeaks co-founder Julian Assange. We can’t list all the charges but they include: Being Julian Assange Telling people what the US is really wasting spending their money on Sucking up to the bastard Ecuadorians Keeping a cat Revealing the skulduggery the US is really up to […]

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23, May 2019

Labour calls for nationalisation of failing Jamie Oliver restaurants

Would you rather your town looked like this or like Teesside? Can you tell the difference? Awe, gimme an over-priced pizza

The current epidemic of failing companies has lead to a crisis in many boardrooms. Labour has advocated nationalising all companies which are going under in order to protect businesses, jobs and communities. Jamie Oliver’s restaurants are one of the latest businesses to suffer., With their over-priced food and smarmy serving staff the restaurant chain was […]

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22, May 2019

LGBT school protests: religious groups tell each other where to go

Locked in a prison of their own making, even love won't set them free (yes, we do pathos, too)

In Birmingham (UK, not Alabama) , radical Muslims protested against a school teachingpupils about LGBT equality. The Safer Streets Association protested against Muslims sending their children to schools abroad to become terrorists. The Muslims accused them of Islamophobia. The Association accused the Muslims of homophobia, Anglophobia and asked who were the ones wearing dresses. Several […]

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21, May 2019

Milkshakes banned at rallies. Activists throw burgers, condoms and fur coats

Several prominent figures have had milkshakes and ice cream thrown at them during political rallies. Police asked McDonald’s and other shops near to future rallies not to sell milkshakes or ice cream while the rally is taking place. A police spokesperson said: “This is, admittedly, for the less-intelligent activist who would not consider buying a […]

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20, May 2019

We’re backing Boris – Media outlets unanimously support Boris Johnson for PM

The UK’s Prime Minister and very own Groundhog, Theresa May, is stepping down. Several top Tory MPs, some of whom did not go to Oxbridge, said they will stand including ex-Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson. Every media outlet confirmed they were backing Boris for PM. Several Editors plus top reporters speaking in confidence in a dingy […]

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Police facial recognition system full of duplicate images it can’t recognise

Good job she's not black, male, unarmed and living in America or she'd be dead by now

A roll-out of facial recognition systems by police around the UK has lead to a fracas in the force. The system is run by German company Cognitec which is filching millions of pounds from the British taxpayer. Plus ça change. The company gets paid in British pounds for the number images on the system and […]

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