Tag Archives for " Politics "
Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”
Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”
Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride
Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists
James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035
Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”
Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business
In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties
Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped
How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!
You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show
A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep
Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!
Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests
Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal
Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.
Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050
Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”
“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”
Johnson to test ‘more chance of getting a blowjob from the Pope’ theory
The UK’s current PM, Boris Johnson, is seeking help from the Pope in order to get his latest Brexit deal through parliament. The new deal has tentatively been agreed by the EU but it must be approved by parliament. Current Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn said he will not support it because it was negotiated by […]
Tell me more...!Queen’s speech: Boris Johnson to be King
The Queen‘s speech historically outlines plans and legislation the government intends to perform. This speech shocked everyone as the Queen outlined new succession plans to make Boris Johnson King when the Queen retires which is expected to be sometime next month or before a general election, whichever comes first. Sir Galahad Smythe, an expert in […]
Tell me more...!UK population falls asleep as ‘B’ word mentioned again in news
The entire UK population spontaneously fell into a deep sleep this morning as newsreaders reported on the latest ‘B‘ negotiations. According to Dr. Emanuel Upanistad, a clinical psychologist specialising in impromptu sleep disorders, the UK population has been so overexposed to the ‘B‘ word during the last three years that it triggered a “spontaneous somnambulism”. […]
Tell me more...!
8, October 2019
- in Politics , Science & Technology , UK by Ed Mann
Pet MP Robots: now with interchangeable heads
Billed as ‘perfect for every home’ the Robot MP or ROMPr has just gone on sale in the UK. Developed by robotics company Practical Ingenious Stereoactive Systems, the robots are described as “versatile semi-intelligent and adaptable”. A company spokesperson said: “We know that doesn’t describe your average MP but ROMPrs are better than average. “ROMPrs […]
Tell me more...!Shaking hands now racist says ADL
The ADL (Anti-Defamation League), not to be confused with the EDL (English Defence League) which they are very anti, or EDL Energy or, indeed, EDF Energy which they probably couldn’t give two hoots about… Anyway, ADL has drawn up a new list of social interactions we all need to be aware of to avoid being […]
Tell me more...!The EU promises to give Boris Johnson’s Brexit proposal serious consideration
Ref: BBC News Boris Johnson: Brexit plan ‘genuine attempt to bridge chasm’ In recent politics, what’s given you the biggest laugh? Can you name three things Boris Johnson is doing right? Leave a Comment below
Tell me more...!
3, October 2019
- in Politics , Science & Technology , UK by Ed Mann
Renewable energy: MP flatulence to power London
As part of the UK’s commitment to zero carbon emissions by 2050, the government has commissioned a renewable energy system which will power the whole of London by the end of next year. The system uses the hot air and gaseous emissions emanating from the Houses of Parliament. The system’s developer Mr Frederick Art said: […]
Tell me more...!Tory conference: MPs forced to listen to b*llsh*t speeches
Several Tory MPs were prevented from leaving the Tory conference hall before major speeches by the PM and senior Tories. Security staff locked the doors and stood guard to prevent anyone trying to force them open. The staff said they had instructions not to let anyone out until the speeches were over. One of the […]
Tell me more...!