Tag Archives for " Politics "
Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!
Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown
Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride
The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines
James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!
Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome
To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!
During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion
Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier
Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail
Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”
“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”
Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”
Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair
Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested
Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”
3, July 2019
- in Business , Politics , Science & Technology , UK by Ed Mann
NHS to fine patients late for appointments to boost flagging coffers
NHS management to levy a £1-per-minute fine on patients. Ostensibly this is to encourage patients to arrive on time but privately, some management staff admitted it was to boost the NHS’s budget. Mrs Dot Brimstone, 56, attends her local hospital on a weekly basis and said: “Blimey! If I’m late it’s because the bus was […]
Tell me more...!Gove’s tiny shoes collection and Hunt’s artificial limbs wrong-foots Tories
Feature by guest reporter David Layzelle Although out of the Tory leadership race, Michael Gove put himself back in the political spotlight by revealing his passion for tiny shoes. His Cabinet colleagues decried the move as showboating and suggested the party whip bring him to heel and make him toe the line. But Mr Gove […]
Tell me more...!Johnson’s and Hunt’s tax plans will bankrupt Britain in a month
As Tory leadership hopefuls, Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt, vie for position in the race, both have pledged tax reforms that will see the UK go bankrupt within a month, according to the Financial University’s Creative Knowledge department. Boris Johnson‘s tack is to deliver swingeing tax cuts for the well off, the rich, the very […]
Tell me more...!Scientists finally discover just exactly what kind of woman is US President Donald Trump’s ‘type’
FEMALE Ref: BBC News Trump says sexual assault accuser E Jean Carroll ‘not my type’ How many different excuses for not assaulting a woman can you think of that Trump hasn’t used yet? From a woman’s point of view, what’s Trump’s best feature? Leave a Comment below
Tell me more...!School ‘prepares pupils for life’ with ‘best boobs’ questionnaire
In a bid to ‘toughen up’ pupils and prepare them for life outside school, on social media and in an office environment a school sent 14- and 15-year old pupils a series of ‘social acceptance’ tests. The school, which cannot be named for fear it may be burned down, is based in the Home Counties. […]
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23, June 2019
- in Art & Entertainment , Politics , UK by Ed Mann
Sacked BBC presenter Danny Baker to return with “Baker’s the Gaffer”
BBC 5 Live’s ex-presenter Danny Baker is planning a return to broadcasting with a new show called “Baker’s the Gaffer”. Baker was sacked from the nanny broadcaster after posting a Tweet about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s baby. That’s Harry and Meghan as we love to call them. The BBC, which is happy to […]
Tell me more...!North/South divide? ‘North’ is now anywhere north of the Thames
In a bid to prove that the North does get as much money as the South, the government has redefined the North’ to be anywhere north of the Thames. Using the old boundaries, the South received 72% more than the North in public spending. Using the new boundary, the South now only gets about 26% […]
Tell me more...!Trump’s 2020 slogan: “Make America Fascist Again”
Current US President Donald Trump has kicked off his 2020 presidential re-election bid with a new slogan and a new hat. He has swapped his familiar red cap for a new one bearing the words “Make America Fascist Again.” It is being produced and sold under license to fund his burger habit and contribute to […]
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