“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Tag Archives for " Politics "

16, February 2019

Cash for kids! “I’ll pay you to have my babies,” says Hungarian Prime Minister. It’s better than Wonga!

Hungary’s right-wing nationalist Prime Minister, Viktor Orban, has offered Hungarian women cash if they have lots of Hungarian babies. Couples will be offered interest-free loans of 10m forint (£27,400; $36,000), which will be written off after they have three children. It’s not clear if the couple still have to be together at this point. But […]

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15, February 2019

High Court judge falls asleep – “The case was as boring as fart and I’d been up all night washing my wig.”

British justice is blind AND asleep!

Mrs Justice Parker, 68, fell asleep “momentarily” while hearing a case in the Family Division of the High Court. “I’ve heard a lot of boring cases in my time,” she said. “But this takes the biscuit. It was boring as fart. I can’t even remember what it was about, it was so boring. Probably some […]

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“Weird hair an indication of criminality,” says police physiological profiler

A weird hairstyle and sunglasses - this guy is definitely up to no good!

“A bad hairstyle is a sure give-away of a criminal mentality,” says Dr Gwendoline Bendover, a psychological criminal profiler who once helped police with their enquiries.. Physiological profiling is the study of physical characteristics and Dr Bendover’s speciality is seeing how these relate to criminality. “It’s often thought,” said Dr Bendover. “That eyes which are […]

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Donald Trump commissioned study to prove men with small hands have big penises

Donald Trump shows off his small hands. Fortunately, that's all he showed off

A study commissioned by Donald Trump to prove men with small hands have big penises has been running for over two years without reaching a publishable conclusion. One of the analysts involved in the study, who declined to be named, said: “The fact is, hand size has no relation to penis size and small hands […]

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