Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Tag Archives for " Politics "

Erotic novel by Mussolini discovered in Rome brothel!

Mussolini keeps one eye on his men, who he liked enormously, while reading his proofs

An erotic novel written by Italian dictator, Benito Mussolini, was discovered in a former brothel in Rome. The book was found by workmen demolishing a house that was once Mussolini’s favourite brothel, La Farfalla. Mussolini was called Il Duce to his face but Il Piccolino behind his back, especially by his many lovers, some of […]

Tell me more...!
24, February 2019

Veggie restaurants must stay open until 11PM says government in crackdown on lazy vegetarian proprietors

I'm a chef - not a fucking salad-maker!

The government is set to introduce legislation to force “lazy vegetarian restaurant owners” to open until at least 11PM six days a week. The move comes after numerous complaints by vegetarians that they can’t find anywhere to eat after 4PM. Lucas Silbertson, 28, from Hull said: “It’s bad enough living in Hull but we can’t […]

Tell me more...!
22, February 2019

“For the last time – we are NOT anti-semantic!” claims Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn at Stamford Hill rally

In a speech at Stamford Hill, London, Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, made an impassioned plea to “everyone” to stop claiming Labour was anti-semantic. “We have absolutely nothing against words or the meaning of words. In fact, we in the Labour movement love words. Everyone in the Labour party is free to use as many words […]

Tell me more...!
20, February 2019

Theresa May: “I’ve had it with you bunch of ingratiates! You can sort out f**king Brexit yourself!”

Theresa May -

After losing 17 Brexit negotiators and making 83 trips to Brussels herself UK Prime Minister, Theresa May, has called it a day and thrown in the towel over Brexit negotiations. “I’ve taken all I’m going to take from you bunch of dim-witted, jobsworthy, ingratiates!” she told the House. “Whinge, whinge, whinge. Delay, delay, delay. Moan, […]

Tell me more...!
19, February 2019

Pope Francis to give fortune to the poor! “Over my dead body, ya dingo!” says Cardinal George Pell,

After visiting dozens of impoverished countries over the last few years, Pope Francis has announced that he intends to give away half the church’s fortune to the poor. This comes hot on the heels of yet more abuse and financial scandals for the Catholic church at a time when many people are wondering if the […]

Tell me more...!
16, February 2019

Cash for kids! “I’ll pay you to have my babies,” says Hungarian Prime Minister. It’s better than Wonga!

Hungary’s right-wing nationalist Prime Minister, Viktor Orban, has offered Hungarian women cash if they have lots of Hungarian babies. Couples will be offered interest-free loans of 10m forint (£27,400; $36,000), which will be written off after they have three children. It’s not clear if the couple still have to be together at this point. But […]

Tell me more...!
15, February 2019

High Court judge falls asleep – “The case was as boring as fart and I’d been up all night washing my wig.”

British justice is blind AND asleep!

Mrs Justice Parker, 68, fell asleep “momentarily” while hearing a case in the Family Division of the High Court. “I’ve heard a lot of boring cases in my time,” she said. “But this takes the biscuit. It was boring as fart. I can’t even remember what it was about, it was so boring. Probably some […]

Tell me more...!