Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Tag Archives for " Business "

22, March 2019

UK government green-lights tax avoidance schemes. A spokesperson said: “It’s much easier to get tax out of the poor.”

If you have loadsa money you can hire this guy to help you keep it!

Tax avoidance schemes such as the infamous K2 scheme – which was perfectly legal at the time – got a lot of people into trouble. The scheme used perfectly legal (at the time) methods to avoid tax (which isn’t illegal), but the media ran a witch hunt to name and shame celebrities and other rich […]

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11, March 2019

Asda (part of the Walmart group) to stop selling single kitchen knives. Ford to stop selling single cars

You can't buy just one knife in Asda but you can buy a pack of these!

Asda has announced it will stop selling single kitchen knives – but they will still be available in multipacks. “We feel this will hit hardest, the impoverished would-be knife buyer who is also too stupid and incapable of stealing a single kitchen knife. Two or more could get together to buy a multipack but we […]

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Nag! Nag! Nag! “It’s just like being at home,” says Japanese businessman

You don't need a geisha with a Nag-o-Matic

Enterprising Japanese tech company, Nagumatikku, was demonstrating its latest innovation at the AI Expo in Japan. The pocket-size device whose name, Jitaku de chīsana on’na, roughly translates as “Little woman at home” has been developed for travelling businessmen who feel lonely staying in hotels and who do not want the services of a geisha. The […]

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6, March 2019

Facebook crackdown on false Reactions. New rules to force users to prove their Reactions genuine

You Like it! Really? Prove it!

In a crackdown against fake news, fake buns and false everything else, Facebook is introducing compulsory ‘Reaction proof’. Before a user can select Like, Heart or one of the other Reaction emoticons, they will have to prove their intent is genuine. A Facebook spokesperson explained: “Facebook has been accused of promoting false messages and fake […]

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24, February 2019

Veggie restaurants must stay open until 11PM says government in crackdown on lazy vegetarian proprietors

I'm a chef - not a fucking salad-maker!

The government is set to introduce legislation to force “lazy vegetarian restaurant owners” to open until at least 11PM six days a week. The move comes after numerous complaints by vegetarians that they can’t find anywhere to eat after 4PM. Lucas Silbertson, 28, from Hull said: “It’s bad enough living in Hull but we can’t […]

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Oil companies release “Energy from water” patents they’ve sat on for years! “It’s a major boon for the whole world,” they say. “But mainly for us!”

Gives a new meaning to the phrase:

In a joint statement put out by the World’s five biggest oil companies, they have agreed to release “energy from water” patents that they have held for over 50 years. The patents describe how water can be converted to energy and used to “fuel” every kind of engine from cars to planes, and from boats […]

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