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Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

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Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

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James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

4, June 2019

Students sue universities for not getting them high-end jobs

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Davina worked so hard for her useless degree and can't even get a job in McDonald's

Davina worked so hard for her useless degree and can’t even get a job in McDonald’s

Students who doss about, do no work and don’t get a degree are suing universities for allowing them to fail.

Drognar Belvidere (not his real name) spent his entire time at university attending protests, going to festivals and smoking weed. In spite of staying on an extra year and getting additional tuition, he left without a degree.

He is suing the university for not awarding him a degree. He said: “The prospectus was full of social events and swank living accommodation. They never said I had to do any work. What sort of university is that?”

Davina Pringle (not her real name) got a 2:1 in Media Studies and Alternative Medicine which failed to qualify her even for a job at McDonald’s. She is suing her university for not getting her a job as a producer with the BBC.

She said: “Working for the BBC has been my life-long dream but the university has shattered that. Even with my 2:1 they say I have to apply for a job, start at the bottom and work my way up, What sort of university is that?”

Roscoe Benjamin (not his real name) said: “I thought it was, like, a conveyor belt. You go in one end, get a degree and then they, like, move you onto a job. I didn’t, like, know there’d be job interviews and stuff. What sort of university is that, like?”

The National Universities Council said the terms of their education programs were clearly set out and well understood, by those who could read. They added that they didn’t think up-coming students could be so stupid, and blamed poor high schools.

A spokesperson said: “The schools are too busy trying to hit targets by getting their students into universities that they fail to teach them anything about life.”

Ref: BBC News Graduate gets £60k payout over ‘false advertising’ claim

Should student fees be abolished?
Should students be abolished?
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