To plug the spiralling costs that any kind of Brexit deal or no deal is going to impose on the UK, the government is in negotiation to sell Scotland to interested parties in America.
It’s rumoured that US President, Donald Trump, is interested in turning Scotland into a golf course so he can work on his hole in ones.
The US Department of the Interior would like to turn it into a nature reserve and re-introduce native Scottish species such as buffalo, tigers and elephants.
The National Rifle Association of America is also a strong contender. They would turn it into one large hunting reserve with open season on the inhabitants. A bit like Glasgow on a Saturday night.
A Home Office spokesperson said: “Scotland wants independence from the UK so let’s see how they like them apples!
“It also means that we can invest more in the UK rather than waste it supporting a bunch of sponging, haggis-eating wassocks. Er, don’t quote me on that. Watch the scramble for an English passport then!”
The Queen is in a separate negotiation for her Balmoral estate which is likely to fetch more than the price for the rest of Scotland. Donald Trump has also expressed interest in Balmoral saying it would make “an average club house with a big lot of work.”
The Queen was overheard to remark: “At least one won’t have to spend any more time in that nithering part of the world.”
It’s hoped a deal on Scotland can be reached before a Brexit deal so the PM has something positive to go to the country– with the exception of Scotland – with. As time goes by the price is dropping rapidly and now Scotland can be had for just a few hundred million.
A Home Office spokesperson said: “We’ll even take Euros.”