“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

28, August 2019

Revolutionary way to buy goods and services announced

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Cash is particularly useful for bribing government officials, especially abroad

Cash is particularly useful for bribing government officials, especially abroad

More and more people are worrying about identity theft, having their credit or debit card stolen, having to remember several passwords and PIN numbers, and insecure internet devices.

A Financial Think Tank has proposed a revolutionary new system of buying goods and services which does away with all these problems and concerns.

It’s called 💰cash💰

It comes in the form of metallic coins and paper promissory notes which are easy to carry in a purse or wallet.

According to the Think Tank, cash has several benefits over the old ways of money transfer.

  • Cash is not connected to the internet so no hackers can get at it and steal it.
  • Cash does not require you to remember any complicated passwords or PIN numbers.
  • When you use cash there are no hidden ‘service charges’.
  • You can use cash anywhere. You don’t have to worry if an establishment accepts a particular type of electronic payment.
  • You won’t get charged twice with cash.
  • There are no annual fees or late payment fees for using cash.
  • You can’t spend more cash than you have with you.
  • You can often get a discount on goods if you offer to pay cash.
  • If you use cash, stores can’t track what you buy and send you annoying promotions.
  • Neither will the government know where you shop or what you buy.
  • You can use cash to bribe government officials (especially abroad) and business contacts.
  • If you receive a ransom demand, the kidnappers will only accept cash.
  • If you are unfortunate and get robbed, your loss is limited to the amount of cash you are carrying. The thieves cannot empty your bank account or go on a spending spree with your credit card.

Although cash has many advantages over current technical and online exchange methods, financial experts from RBS and Lehman Brothers said they don’t think it will catch on.

Ref: BBC News Testing the debit card with a fingerprint sensor

What’s the dumbest thing you bought because you had a credit card?
Where do you hide your cash?
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