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Oil companies release “Energy from water” patents they’ve sat on for years! “It’s a major boon for the whole world,” they say. “But mainly for us!”

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Gives a new meaning to the phrase: "Swimming in oil!"

Gives a new meaning to the phrase: “Swimming in oil!”

In a joint statement put out by the World’s five biggest oil companies, they have agreed to release “energy from water” patents that they have held for over 50 years.

The patents describe how water can be converted to energy and used to “fuel” every kind of engine from cars to planes, and from boats to trains.

“It will totally solve our energy crisis and our reliance on fossil fuels,” the statement says.

Every few years the press reports on a new invention to derive energy from water but the claim is soon forgotten. These reports are the ones that slip through the net. Usually the patents are bought up by one of the oil conglomerates. The inventors are paid a ludicrous sum of money to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of their life. Under close supervision, of course.

Occasionally an inventor goes missing.

Now, however, the oil companies are “coming clean” about their involvement with “energy from water” devices. They say that although the technology worked, it was far too expensive to be practical and releasing it to the general public would have only cause panic, frustration and false expectations.

Now they say technology has caught up with the requirements of “energy to water” engines and now is the time to “give it to the world” and start production.

In other news, as oil supplies are depleting at an exponential rate and oil is becoming increasing more difficult and expensive to find and drill for, major oil companies have been investing in land bearing no historic traces of oil. The great swathes of land do, however, contain massive numbers of lakes, rivers and other bodies of water.

The oil companies are currently lobbying the governments of major world powers to privatise and sell off the world’s oceans.

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