“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Shock! Horror! Newton’s Law applies to Facebook.You could be killing a kitten

You are awesome for sharing

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button. You could be giving a banker another bonus

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button. You could be giving a banker another bonus

Newton’s Law that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction has been discovered to apply to Facebook Reactions such as Like, Heart and the smiley emoticons.

Every time you respond to a post with an Angry emoticon, somewhere else someone posts a photo of a puppy in a bow tie sitting in a basket.

Likewise, every time you Heart a post, someone on the other side of the world punches a kitten in the face! (They don’t always upload this to their Timeline.)

The other Reactions have similar, opposite effects. This is what we know so far:

Like: A child is forced to eat broccoli.

Haha: A clown sheds a tear.

Wow: Someone has a really boring day.

Sad: A banker or CEO gets another pay rise.

A Facebook spokesperson said: “While our god and father, Mr Zuckerberg (all praises to Him our saviour) did tell Congress that Facebook is responsible for what its users post online, he did have his fingers crossed at the time so it doesn’t count.

“But nowhere except in the dim, dark recesses of a politician’s mind can we be held accountable for Newton’s Third Law of Motion. Even Newton himself had no control over that. But that’s politicians for you – always wanting to blame someone else.
“Excuse me while I comment on this post with a big…”  Think before you hit that Sad emoji button. You could be giving a banker another bonus <kerching!>

You are awesome for sharing

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Tony Payne - 7, April 2019 Reply

Social Media is a strange new (well fairly new) phenomenon isn’t it. Facebook attracts a lot of “normal” people, but it sure does bring out the weirdos as well.

    Ed Mann - 7, April 2019 Reply

    It sure does, Tony. Like any group all life is there… 🙂

    Hope you enjoyed the post. Thanks for taking a look.
    Ed

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