James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Shock! Horror! Newton’s Law applies to Facebook.You could be killing a kitten

You are awesome for sharing

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button. You could be giving a banker another bonus

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button. You could be giving a banker another bonus

Newton’s Law that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction has been discovered to apply to Facebook Reactions such as Like, Heart and the smiley emoticons.

Every time you respond to a post with an Angry emoticon, somewhere else someone posts a photo of a puppy in a bow tie sitting in a basket.

Likewise, every time you Heart a post, someone on the other side of the world punches a kitten in the face! (They don’t always upload this to their Timeline.)

The other Reactions have similar, opposite effects. This is what we know so far:

Like: A child is forced to eat broccoli.

Haha: A clown sheds a tear.

Wow: Someone has a really boring day.

Sad: A banker or CEO gets another pay rise.

A Facebook spokesperson said: “While our god and father, Mr Zuckerberg (all praises to Him our saviour) did tell Congress that Facebook is responsible for what its users post online, he did have his fingers crossed at the time so it doesn’t count.

“But nowhere except in the dim, dark recesses of a politician’s mind can we be held accountable for Newton’s Third Law of Motion. Even Newton himself had no control over that. But that’s politicians for you – always wanting to blame someone else.
“Excuse me while I comment on this post with a big…”  Think before you hit that Sad emoji button. You could be giving a banker another bonus


You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Tony Payne - 7, April 2019 Reply

Social Media is a strange new (well fairly new) phenomenon isn’t it. Facebook attracts a lot of “normal” people, but it sure does bring out the weirdos as well.

    Ed Mann - 7, April 2019 Reply

    It sure does, Tony. Like any group all life is there… 🙂

    Hope you enjoyed the post. Thanks for taking a look.

Leave a Reply: