A new radio telescope has revealed a small colony living in an underground shelter on the Moon.
Dr Nigel Needlemeyer, chief astronomer on the project, said: “We were astounded. We thought the Moon was incapable of supporting human life.
“The telescope has revealed radio mast-like structures along with doors leading to an underground shelter. We’ve seen people come out, jump around then go back in.
“The telescope also picked up radio transmissions between the Moon and the Earth. We actually pinpointed it to be in the vicinity of the EDL HQ.
“The transmissions were in code but easily breakable. The colony is doing well but misses Greggs pasties.
“That they have managed to become self-contained is a miracle. You can only live on recycle urine and faeces for so long.
“It seems their plan is to hide out there until after the revolution then come back and take over the world.
“Their main concern is that if there is a revolution, who will go up there and bring them back?”
Dr Needlemeyer added: “Their last message read ‘Good luck, Tommy’.”
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