Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

29, October 2019

Narcissist MPs vehemently deny obstructing the “will of the people”

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'Willy' the Idiot Narcissist MP is well on his way to becoming leader of one political party or another

‘Willy’ the Idiot Narcissist MP is well on his way to becoming leader of one political party or another

A psychological evaluation of MPs revealed that 91% suffer from INS (Idiot Narcissist Syndrome). In the case of the DUP this was 100%.

This may go some way towards explaining why parliament has made bugger all progress on Brexit in the last three years.

One Idiot Narcissist MP who agreed to speak to us on the condition of anonymity and who we’ll call Willy because that is not his real name, honest, said: “People complain that we’re not doing our job but they totally fail to understand what our job is.

“When you become an MP your job is simply to climb the political ladder, toe the party line when you must, and become the ‘sound bite mouthpiece’ who reporters come to when they need a comment on a political event.

“Constituents seem to think we were elected to carry out the will of the people, whatever that means. Nothing could be further from the truth. Grow up.

“We’re here to promote our own agenda and beliefs and further our own political career. The ‘will of the people’ has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Brexit is a case in point. Just because the people voted to leave the EU, it doesn’t mean that we have to pursue that policy.

“I get lots of benefits from the EU such as fact-finding trips, goods samples such as sausages and  Belgian chocolates,  and incentives for promoting EU interests in the UK. Why would I want to leave?

“The sooner the masses realise that we’re in it for our own benefit, the easier it will be for everyone and they can stop the protests about us blocking Brexit.

“It’s got nothing to do with Brexit – it’s to do with getting on a higher rung of the political ladder.”

Willy concluded: “I mean, how dumb are these people?”

Obviously, dumb enough to elect you…

Would you sell your Grandmother for a Peerage?
Best guess – how many MPs have an IQ greater than 97?
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