Yet another MP fail. After voting on four options, MPs still cannot decide what Pizza toppings to order
After weeks of negotiation and debate, UK MPs have still failed to reach agreement on their lunchtime pizza take-away.
The process has dominated discussions, leaving no time at all for secondary issues such as running the country. The debate has divided the Commons, split parties, created new enemies and proved to the country what a total bunch of incompetent tossers MPs are.
One Tory MP who asked not to be named but who, we can reveal, is affectionately known in the House as Pizza Face, said: “We get a better deal if we all order the same thing so it’s worth the discussion.”
Enid Slippermouth, 59, from New Worthington said: “They can’t even decide on pizza and they’re supposed to be running the flippin’ country. I wouldn’t trust them to run a raffle.”
Geoffrey Winston-Smythe, 72, said: “Look, it’s simple – Pepperoni or Hawaiian? That’s it! But they have to bring in all sorts of European rot like garlic escargot topping, brätwurst and sauerkraut. I’ll give them bloody sauerkraut!”
The manager of Westminster Pizza Hut said: “We’ve been on standby for weeks. It’s costing us a fortune in extra staff, just in case they make a decision.
“They can have thin n’ crispy, deep pan, stuffed crust, traditional. They can have Pepperoni, Margarita, Hawaiian, whatever toppings they want. We can do half-and-half, we can do small, we can do large, but they’re just no good at making decisions. Too much choice, they can’t handle it.”
MP Pizza Face added: “We were so close with half-and-half pepperoni with chives, and Margarita with mushrooms and olives but it got defeated by two votes. That’s politics for you!”
Tory MP, Nick Boles, was so disgruntled at the lack of a decision that he picked up his plate, his knife and fork and left the House. He later said: “I can no longer support a party that is incapable of making a decision. But I am not going to give up my lavish MP lifestyle, my exorbitant salary or expense account.”
A Labour MP who was scrolling through the Pizza Hut menu on his Android phone said: “They’re discussing the wrong options. Of course, they’ll never reach an agreement. The question should simply be – Indian or Chinese? Not Pizza.
“I’m bringing sandwiches tomorrow.”