Medium Madame Mystic Myrtle, psychic and prophet to the stars, claims to have channelled the spirits of Maggie Thatcher and Ghostbusters’ Slime Monster into Michael Gove.
She said: “It was one of the easiest channellings I have ever done. He is a natural.”
Madame Myrtle has told the fortune of many stars and leading politicians.
For Boris Johnson she predicted: “You WILL become Prime Minister, but not for long.”
For Theresa May she predicted: “You will go down in history as the UK’s second most incompetent PM.”
For Jeremy Corbyn she predicted: “You will lead your people to a land of milk and honey. All of them, proving your firm stance against anti-Semitism.”
Mystic Myrtle does not like to cross large expanses of water as it diminishes her psychic ability so she did a remote prediction for Donald Trump: “Your wall will never get built but you will be awarded the Hero of the Russian Federation medal and decorated by your friend Putin.”
Asked if any politician had a positive influence on the country, she replied: “No!”
Shortly after this interview, Madame Myrtle was arrested on suspicion of propheteering. A police spokesman said: “She’s not a happy Medium!”
In light of these revelations, the assumption must be that Michael Gove has not channelled anything and is just naturally very right, uncompassionate and slimy.