Feature by guest reporter David Layzelle
US President Donald Trump claims the mass-migration of Mexican workers is upsetting the Earth’s rotation.
Speaking at a Republican convention at Tyler, Texas, Trump expounded the theory that mass-migration was making the world ‘top heavy and liable to spin off its axis.
To whoops of “yee ha” and much spitting of tobacco, the President said this newly-identified phenomenon was a bigger threat to the free world than Joe Biden, though a little less of a danger than Hilary Clinton.
Trump said the theory was demonstrated to him by former campaign Chief Executive Steve Bannon during a midnight feast of hamburgers and root beer.
Bannon is known for draining metaphorical swamps, extreme politics and preventing the free press from doing their work.
He is less well known for his scientific training and understanding of celestial mechanics. But Trump was convinced and declared that this latest discovery made a border wall all the more imperative.
“They take our jobs, they take our homes, and now they’re taking our planet,” he told the crowd.
“We have to build the wall and stop these people from hurling the planet – and America – into the sun.”
Although he has no formal scientific qualifications, Bannon based his theory on the belief that if the entire population of India jumped up and landed on their feet at the same time, it would cause a tidal wave that would swamp the Netherlands. Probably.
Planetary scientists at NASA dismissed the idea as “totally outside the bounds of planetary physics and motion as we know them”.
President Trump dismissed the NASA response as “fake news”.
David Layzelle runs a writing agency called The Writing Agency
If all the Republicans in the world were laid end to end, would you care?
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