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Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

10, February 2019

“Make America Safe Again!” By law – all Americans to carry a gun by 2021!

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"Feel safe now, son?"

“Feel safe now, son?”

As the war against gun violence rages across America, the US government is proposing a radical new plan to tackle it.

From 2021, all persons over the age of 14 will be legally obliged to carry a gun.

A government spokesperson said: “If everyone has a gun we level the playing field and perpetrators will think twice about shooting people in public.”

A republican senator who did not want to be named said: “The truth is, the gun lobby has got the president in their back pocket and this bill – if you’ll pardon the expression – kills two birds with one stone.

“It appeases the gun lobby and gives each member of the public a fighting chance if they’re attacked by a gunman. That’s got to be better than hiding under desks and running away. Running away has never been the American thing to do. Although, admittedly, shooting people has”

In spite of concerns that the bill will plunge America into another Wild West era, proponents of the bill argue that the best form of defence is to carry a gun. “Always has, always will be,” said one.

An FBI agent who, for legal reasons, we can only refer to as Agent William F. Strinkle II said: “We just can’t keep up with the number of shootings and the amount of gun-related crime going on. We’re secretly hoping the bill will encourage all the bad guys to kill each other. Job done.”

When asked about the potential for innocent members of the public to get killed or injured, he said: “Collateral damage. We’re really good at that, too!”

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