The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

23, May 2019

Labour calls for nationalisation of failing Jamie Oliver restaurants

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Would you rather your town looked like this or like Teesside? Can you tell the difference? Awe, gimme an over-priced pizza

Would you rather your town looked like this or like Teesside? Can you tell the difference? Awe, gimme an over-priced pizza

The current epidemic of failing companies has lead to a crisis in many boardrooms. Labour has advocated nationalising all companies which are going under in order to protect businesses, jobs and communities.

Jamie Oliver’s restaurants are one of the latest businesses to suffer., With their over-priced food and smarmy serving staff the restaurant chain was on a hiding to nothing and eventually collapsed under the weight of its own sourdough with the loss of 1,000 jobs.

Labour’s plan is to half the cost of the pizzas down to normal price, and subsidise the rest out of the public purse.

Debenhams is another high street casualty having to close 22 stores with the loss of 4,000 jobs. Closures include the Stockton store which will effectively put Stockton itself into administration.

Labour advocates totally demolishing the town, and a rebuilding program with the accent on elocution lessons. This could be a vote winner.

Labour would nationalise fashion chain Select saving 1,000 jobs However, pundits pleaded with the party not to allow Jeremy Corbyn‘s fashion sense anywhere near it.

Labour also called for the nationalisation of some of Sir Philip Green‘s failures. Details are scarce as Labour spokespeople were unavailable for comment as they were on one of Green’s yachts.

But with friends such as Simon Cowell, company pension shortfalls and immense personal wealth, Green might see Labour having a hard sell with this.

Four Seasons Health Care which looks after 17,000 people and employs 20,000 staff is another prime candidate for nationalisation.

The main reason for its collapse is the reduction of fees paid to it by local councils so Labour could increase council payments and avoid a total nationalisation.

For anyone with any actuary sense, we will not delve into the logistics.

The call for the renationalisation of industries was sparked by British Steel going into administration. With the potential loss of 5,000 job plus 20,000 related jobs, this could make Scunthorpe look like the rest of Teesside.

And if ever there was a case for nationalisation, that’s it

Ref: BBC News British Steel should be nationalised, urges Labour

Where is your favourite steelworks?
What industry would you nationalise?
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