Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Kim Kardashian’s 2024 plan to become President

You are awesome for sharing

Kim for President. Ronald Reagan did it. Why not a slightly-famous person?

Kim for President. Ronald Reagan did it. Why not a slightly-famous person?

Kim Kardashian, 38, is famous for being famous. Or rather for being a famous offspring of her famous father, Robert Kardashian, who became famous for defending O.J. Simpson who was also famous although for the wrong reasons.

Or maybe she became famous simply for having a big bum.

So, famous for being a famous celebrity, Kim Kardashian wants to be even more famous.

Her disastrous movie appearance in 2008 was followed by her disastrous attempt at singing in 2011. So she’s not going to get any more famous as a pop singer or a movie star.

Now, star of reality TV, Kim Kardashian, has decided that the best way to become even more famous is to become President of the United States and she has set her sights on the 2024 election.

Kim was born too late to be Jesus, she lacks the wealth and business acumen to be another Bill Gates, and she’s the wrong sex to be the Pope so the Presidency it is.

Kim is plotting working towards that by studying for a law degree. “It’s not about privilege or money,” she said as she consulted with her two famous lawyer mentors.

Kim is already well-qualified for the job. She’s not beyond deception to get what she wants.

Her 72-day marriage to basketball star Kris Humphries was part of the publicity machine to boost her ratings. She knows how to manipulate the media and her audience. Donald Trump could take lessons.

Kim also has a long list of ‘Presidential blunders’ under her belt so she’s off to a good start.

“If Arnold Schwarzenegger can become a Governor then I can become President,” she said.

Ronald Reagan was an actor-turned-President. Perhaps Kim can repeat the feat. Although he was a slightly better actor. And probably better at everything else, too. Except twerking.

It’s not yet clear whether she’ll stand as a Republican or Democrat. Presumably the one with the highest TV viewing figures.

Ronald Reagan,  Arnold Schwarzenegger – if movie stars can become politicians, why not Kim? Do/will they make better politicians than ‘politicians’? Leave a Comment below.

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: