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28, June 2019

Johnson’s and Hunt’s tax plans will bankrupt Britain in a month

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Jeremy Hunt demonstrating the size of his tax cuts. Boris Johnson hopes his serious expression and hair will be a winning combination.

Jeremy Hunt demonstrating the size of his tax cuts. Boris Johnson hopes his serious expression and hair will be a winning combination.

As Tory leadership hopefuls, Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt, vie for position in the race, both have pledged tax reforms that will see the UK go bankrupt within a month, according to the Financial University’s Creative Knowledge department.

Boris Johnson‘s tack is to deliver swingeing tax cuts for the well off, the rich, the very rich, the extremely rich and the obscenely wealthy.

He will loosen financial constraints on accounting procedures and offshore accounts. This will make it easier for the aforementioned to squirrel away their fortunes in untraceable accounts in shady Caribbean countries.

He will also give Big Business tax breaks and incentives to employ poor people so they can make even more money that they won’t pay tax on.

When asked where the money to pay for this will come from Johnson said he believes in a top-down economy. The tax breaks given to the upper echelons will filter down allowing them to employ more workers and poor people. This vastly increased workforce will then be taxed as normal.

Jeremy Hunt has pledged to triple defence spending in case we get attacked by those nasty Europeans after we leave because you know how huffy Europeans are.

He also plans to slash company tax, especially for those companies trading with the EU as a sort of ‘up yours’.

Lest he also be tagged as ‘the rich man’s candidate’ like Johnson, he has also pledged to take poor people out of the tax system altogether, build everyone an affordable home, double the number of teachers, increase police numbers by 25% and double current NHS spending.

In reply to critics who ask where the money is coming from, Hunt replies that this investment in the UK will generate enough money to pay for itself.

Professor Pelf, head of the Financial University’s Creative Knowledge department, said both contestants’ plans would cost five to six times more than the UK’s entire GDP.

He suggested that the only solution would be to get a loan from the European Central Bank. But they both seem to have shot themselves in the foot with that one.

Ref: BBC News Jeremy Hunt’s tax plans ‘could cost up to £65bn’

If you were worth £25bn who would you vote for?
Which offshore financial centre do you favour?
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