Jackboots in England as Juncker plans to invade the UK after Brexit to put it once again under the EU boot
EU president and head honcho, Jean-Claude Juncker plans to use EU armies to invade the UK, a leaked recording reveals.
In an undercover operation intended to get the low-down on Juncker’s “cash for Belgium chocolates” scam, the reporters accidentally recorded a telephone conversation between Junker and an unidentified person but who is believed to be General Claudio Graziano, the permanent Chairman of the EU Military Committee.
“Ze plans are going vell,” said Juncker. “Ze stupid Brits und zeir Brexit ideas. Ve vill show zem vot eet means to leaf ze gveat EU!
“My plan ees masterful. First I soften zem up vith ridiculous Brexit deal zat no von in zeir vight mind vould agree to. Zen, ven zey are in disarray, ve attack on three fronts. Zey vill rue ze day zey thmbed zeir nose at Jean-Claude Juncker!
“First, zer vill be no controls on ze Northern Irish border so zat ees front von.
“Ve vill also land on ze north coast of Scotland. Ze Scots are sympathetic to our cause.
“You, Mein General, vill take your armies through ze Channel Chunnel und by ferry to Eengland. Zey haf no ferries, ve haf zem all.
“Ze French customs stvikes haf taken ze fight out of ze Brits.” At this point he recording was filled with maniacal laughter.
“Using our three point pincer plan ve vill soon overrun ze country und make it part of ze glorious EU vonce again! But zis time zey vill follow our rules!”
He finished off: “Und, ya, I vill get you ze chocolates.”
The recording was subsequently handed over to MI5 who later denied all knowledge of it but a spokesperson said: “We watch carefully all the enemies of the state. We’ve done a good job so far, haven’t we?”