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31, October 2019

Have we left yet?

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Half the UK population believe that we have now left the UK

Half the UK population believe we have now left the EU

The half of the UK that only half follows current affairs rose this morning believing the UK has left the EU. It was promised by current PM Boris Johnson so it must be true.

There was much hand-shaking and back-slapping and pouring of early-morning eggnog in celebration. Hearty full English breakfasts were cooked and eaten along with comments like “You can’t get this over there”.

Households throughout Britain flew the Union Jack from their windows and looked forward to a traditional English evening meal of curry and chips.

Early morning commuters took their passports with them ‘just in case’ and many clutched a thawed-out packet of sandwiches retrieved from their stockpile of Brexit provisions.

Some even said “Good morning” to fellow commuters in breach of all commuting regulations.

However, there was much chaos and confusion as the day progressed as half the population tried to convince the other half that the UK had actually left the EU. And vice versa. Voices were raised and there was much ‘French‘.

As the truth of the matter dawned, flags were slowly furled, take-aways cancelled and un-sipped eggnog poured back in the bottle.

Care homes around the country resounded to the strains of ‘There’ll Always be An England’ while a few enthusiastic souls attempted ‘Jerusalem’.

A party of elderly Londoners set out to discover just which ditch their beloved Boris had died in, determined to give him a hero’s burial.

But for the other half of the country it was business as usual.


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