Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

2, June 2019

Government sued for “egregious and capricious” neglect of its citizens

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Big Brother is obviously not watching everyone close enough

Big Brother is obviously not watching everyone close enough

The government and local councils are being sued for not being Big Brother enough.

Lawyers representing neglected citizens of the UK are suing the government for disregard, negligence and “politically-driven abuse of power.”

On behalf of the 350,000 homeless, lawyers argue that the government and local councils failed to provide protection, support and assistance in time of need, as well as a pet dog, braziers in winter and dry cardboard boxes.

For the five million domestically abused, the government failed to provide adequate protection, the councils adequate shelter and the police adequate assistance and a defence strategy such as a fucking big gun.

For the four million children living in poverty, both government and councils failed to provide support, sustenance, clothing, nurture, housing, schooling, a family environment, an X-Box and a trip to Disneyland.

200,000 elderly suffered neglect, abuse, robbery, financial and violent crime. Lawyers claim that councils provide inadequate care, inadequate carer screening and inadequate facilities as well as too much over-cooked cabbage and insufficient afternoon bingo sessions.

Lawyers for parents with children in the armed forces accused the government of failing to prevent their children from joining the military to fight for their country and possibly get killed or injured. They claimed the government should have banned war movies, the News and violent video games.

Lawyers for parents whose children got involved with street gangs and turned to crime said the government should have provided more youth clubs, more social workers and more video games.

Lawyers for children who had been killed in road accidents argued that the government and police failed to provide adequate protection against being involved in a road accident.

The remaining lawyers castigated the government for failing to provide a 24/7 body guard for every child, to follow them whenever they were out of sight of their parents and in danger of being radicalised by Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Moonies, Islamists, Scientologists, Hare Krishnas, Jews, Buddhists or Christians.

The Government has yet to respond.

Ref: BBC News Shamima Begum: Lawyer says teen was ‘groomed’

Which is best: UK’s current ‘democracy’ or a benevolent dictatorship?
Would you rather have a gun or a home? (UK respondents only please.)
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